Friday, February 22, 2013

Purim News: Jewish Home Party Concerned - Ayelet Shaked is Becoming Observant

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Ayelet Shaked, the young, Tel-Aviv-born, secularist who was strategically placed high up in the Jewish Home party list in order to draw votes from the non-religious public, is becoming observant. Party leaders are  worried.

Ayelet Shaked to Rabbi Ronsky: "When I become fully religious,
I hope to have a beard like yours."

"If this trend continues," said an unnamed party leader, "we will have to ask some of the religious Knesset members in our party to remove their yarmulkes and discontinue public Jewish observance."

The news first broke when Shaked's neighbors reported that her car didn't move from her driveway for the entirety of the Shabbat for the third week straight. Following that, a Shaked garbologist found in the family's trash the wrappings of a package of "cholent meat" and "kishke."

The evidence climaxed when this young Chabad boy asked his Rabbi if it was OK that he helped Shaked don tefillin at the Kotel:

"It was the first time a woman approached me. I didn't know what to do.
My Rabbi's cellular phone was busy." Photo:

After the party convened an urgent session to deliberate the issue, activists purchased for the Shaked family season tickets to the HaPoel Tel Aviv soccer games (held on Shabbat). Furthermore, at the induction ceremony to the Knesset, the party presented her with a gift of the complete writings of  Friedrich Nietzsche. A party leader explained, "We are confident that we can be mechazek her in her secular convictions in order to safeguard her like a prize etrog. We are in consultation with a Chabad Rabbi regarding special mivtzaim aimed at the Shaked family."

Rabbi Rick Jacobs blessed the party leaders:
Jacobs to Bennett: "You should be matzliach in the merit of the mitzvah:
kol hamekayem nefesh achas m'yisroel ... k'ilu  kiyem olam maleh!"

The idea for this blogpost was stolen in broad daylight from the Purim issue of Besheva Magazine, 2013 by confessed thief Baruch Gordon.

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